


Don't Stop Me Now

by ChronicCanon



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Biphobia, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Internalized Homophobia, Lance (Voltron) Has Anxiety, PROTECT THEM, Panic Attacks, Swearing, accidental emotional roller coaster, all of them are going to need so much therapy, are you ready for some klangst, but we knew that already, headcanon that Lance has an iPod classic, help them, i know I'm not, let's face it, sorry - Freeform, we all know why that tag exists and it hurts us all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-01 23:59:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10203803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChronicCanon/pseuds/ChronicCanon
Summary: Oh boy what a nice day out to cope with anxiety and loneliness in the small confines of outer spaceThis will high key never happen and that's why we have fanfics in the first place





	

**Author's Note:**

> what a cliché title.  
> anyway so point is y'all can fight me over bisexual lance  
> so lance has a bit of a panic attack and all i want to do is protect and reassure this precious boi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I thought  
> Hey, this season is gonna be rough everybody  
> So then I thought  
> I wanna make it easier  
> And then  
> I made it worse

"Don't you miss anything from Earth?"

Keith stopped walking and whipped his head around, surprised. He hadn't noticed Lance open the door to the hallway. Perhaps Keith was stuck in his head, but that did tend to happen lately.

"Like what? You sound like you're looking for an answer."

"I actually - it - you're right. But I'm not sure how to say this."

"Might as well give it a shot," Keith said, pointing finger guns at Lance [because of course he did].

"Was that a joke? Oh, quiznak, Hunk was right. Turning Galra was the best idea you ever had," Lance smiled. He seemed to really be joking, but Keith could recognize Lance's true smile by now and he knew there was something off - something in the eyes - that must be it. Maybe he'd read Lance wrong? He could never tell.

"Nope. Ruined it. I'm goin' to the hangar." Brisk and quick, Keith turned back again.

"Wait - please." Lance reached and grabbed Keith's shoulder. "I..." Keith couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. He'd never seen Lance so concerned in this way, up close and personal, expressive eyes staring into him as though they could read too much. He tried not to think about it.

"What is this about?"

"I - okay, no context, don't ask, but I've been listening to the same soundtrack on repeat - it's my emergency one, fiebre héctica, it's great, and I need - okay, so I don't know what I need, but I want a song, and - and I need it for reasons and - and what-"

"Calm down!" 

"I can't do it. I can't - I can't - I swear I'm going crazy - I - I need something - I need to relax - I need - I-"

"Lance, stop it, please." And the moment the words fell out of Keith's mouth, he realized he'd said the wrong thing, as though he pierced through skin and muscle and bone and into the entrails of the strong, kind being who stood before him as so often he did. Lance paled and wore the most painful expression Keith had ever seen on him. He began to keel over and Keith noticed now how quickly and heavily Lance had been breathing.

Scared. Keith knew it now. The look on Lance's face should have told him everything. He always thought this boy knew no true fear. He would sacrifice himself to save a stranger in a heartbeat with no regrets and no reservations. But here he was crying. Here he was with his cheeks being stained with tears and his heart seeping out from within him.

Keith didn't notice when his legs started moving towards Lance. He didn't notice when he wrapped his arms around shaking shoulders. He was too focused on those eyes.

Keith did notice when Lance slung his head on his shoulder. He noticed when it seemed Lance was leaning on him more and more. He noticed how he knew it was as though Lance was telling him he wanted to sit down without telling Keith a word. Amidst all his concern, Keith was almost proud of himself that he was beginning to understand the boy he was holding more and more each day. At the end, that's what he wanted most of all, to understand him and make him happy.

They ended up with Keith sitting cross-legged, Lance sprawled out on the floor, gazing up to the ceiling, the lights, whatever he happened to be looking at as he stared into the empty space, his head perched on Keith's legs.

"Lance?"

After a moment, Lance seemed to come slightly out of a daze, eyes focused on Keith.

"Count up to 10 for me," Keith said.

Lance stared up at him.

"Oh, okay," he said,"unodostrescuatrocincoseissieteochonuevediezunodostrescuatro-"

"Okay, so how about stop talking so quickly - actually, stay quiet and focus on calming down your breathing and I'll do the counting for you."

Silence. Just quick breathing audible.

Then, "Okay."

+-

 

They were leaning against the wall now, sitting side by side.

"Do you wanna talk about it? I mean, we've been sitting in silence for a few minutes now," Keith inquired. "I'm here if you need to talk, and I know I'm not the best person for this and you probably should talk to Hunk instead and definitely not me but I am he-"

"Thank you," Lance interrupted, "I'm just really sorry you had to deal with that."

" _Deal_ with that?" Keith asked. "You're the one who's dealing with it! Has this ever happened before?"

"It only happened to me maybe once or twice before, I think. I'd rather not talk about those. They still... I dunno - hurt?"

"What about what happened just now? Is that okay? I won't press."

Lance sighed. "I started feeling sorta weird during," he began, standing, "the middle of the playlist, right when that song came on. Here," he said, extending his hand. Keith propped himself up, and kept holding Lance's hand even though he stood up. Though it takes two to hold hands, so what that meant, Keith didn't know.

"Come in. I'll show you."

Lance went to his bed, fidgeting with the thing to get the screen to show Keith the source of the problem.

"You were listening to Queen? That's the opposite of a problem. What happened?"

"So that's kind of the complicated part," Lance admitted, sitting down on the bed, staring at the ceiling, this time with what seemed almost like purpose. Remembering.

"So, Shiro's kind of been my hero for years, right?"

"Right," Keith said, taking a seat on the bed, facing Lance.

"And he's space dad."

"Of course. And?"

"So I've been having some Unspecified Personal Issues lately - don't worry about it - and at one point we ended up talking about Stuff. The whole time I had my playlist running and I was blasting it, right? So he mentioned how he really liked Queen, and asked me to play it again from the beginning."

He looked down and turned the volume all the way up.

"How familiar are you with this song?" Lance asked.

"Not very? But I have heard it."

"Then listen real close a bit."

Then he pressed play.

Lance flung the device and headphones on the bed in the middle between himself and Keith. They sat listening.

Until Lance seized the headphones and nodded to Keith.

They listened.

Until "Did you hear it? It's so stupid."

Lance sang back, "'I'm traveling at the speed of light. I wanna make a supersonic man out of you.'"

"Is that what's going on?"

"'I'm traveling at the speed of light. I wanna make a supersonic woman of you.'"

"I see."

"That's a super vague statement and I don't actually know what you mean but I'll just continue the story," Lance said as he paused the song just before it ended.

"I asked him what his favorite song was, and he said he had legal obligations to say 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. And then he mentions a bit of trivia about it. Apparently, Freddie Mercury wrote that song around the time he first had an affair with a guy."

"Really?"

"I haven't verified. No Wikipedia in space. But I trust Shiro."

"That's fair. I do, too."

They sat in a bit of awkward silence for a moment, minds wandering to moments with their leader.

"I miss Shiro," Lance said. "It's been less than a day but I feel like he's been gone forever. Again."

"It's like, years are passing instead of seconds, right?" Keith chimed in. "Just when we got him back he goes and disappears, like it's his damn hobby or something."

"Talking about it won't make him come back. We have to find him, but how?"

"We have to deal with this with a clear mind. Patience yields focus. Stability yields patience. I hope."

"I'm going to let it slide that you just called me unstable but just because I literally just had a panic attack."

"That's fair and not really what I was insinuating but still fair."

Lance picked up the device again and started spinning it around in his hand lazily. He gazed at the blank wall. Keith stared at him, his fidgeting probably as restless as his thoughts.

"As it turns out, a lot of people don't actually listen to lyrics in songs, even when they hear them on the radio a lot, so not everyone got the memo. Including me, until Shiro pointed it out."

"So how does that fit in?"

"To freaking out for no reason?" Lance asked, looking back at Keith. "I can't help it if this song reminds me of Shiro. And what he said to me."

"... It matters to you that much that people don't listen to music? That's really artsy fartsy don't you think?"

"Yes? No, but that's not the point - and it matters, okay? What really... I just..." Lance trailed off, "Yeah, lyrics matter. They express what the music can't and they're obviously the clearest way to get a message across-"

"But your point being?"

"Point being that Shiro said he always liked Queen, and when he came out to his friends he used this song as a spur of the moment decision. And that means," Lance trailed off, wondering what to say next.

"That means," he tried again, "that I didn't know before that Shiro was, um, not straight. And I felt really awkward-"

"Because you liked him too?"

"Wait what?"

"And you said you felt really awkward?"

"... Yeah. Because I never thought Shiro would be the kind of person to sin and do so much wrong like that-"

"Hold the phone. I'd advise you to announce that you're joking or be quiet until I leave so I don't cause you any internal bleeding."

"It was a decision to do wrong and he chose it. It isn't my problem he did it. All I have to do is not do it."

"What?"

"He decided to go against God and that's not my problem and all I have to do is not go against Him. I mean, Shiro is great but I think he made a mistake," Lance explained. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because you're an idiot."

"That's your very stupid opinion because it is you who are an idiot, friendo."

"You know what? You're right. I was an idiot if I thought you were a decent person but clearly you're not. I won't allow you to badmouth Shiro. He's your friend. Your teammate! How can you talk about him like that? And it's not a decision - it's - not at all. Why do you think-"

"That he's going to hell? Who cares where we're going? I'm just putting it off as long as I can. Or not. I wouldn't change much around here. Probably make things easier."

"Fuck. Many things." Keith said, moving towards Lance. "First, fuck that suicidal thought bullshit. If you don't stop with that, I will kill you."

He was quite a bit closer to Lance now. Lance couldn't figure out what to do now, but he knew he'd never seen Keith like this before. There was more than just empty anger behind him now. It was more than just trading insults like in the beginning of their team membership.

"Damnit, Lance," Keith practically growled. "You have a fucking panic attack over something so little that doesn't even affect you, about somebody who isn't even here and that we might not ever even see again? Because space is really fucking big, Lance. And one person is barely even anything. And some people are nothing. Like you."

They stared at each other in silence. Until Lance began to cry.

"Get the fuck out, you piece of shit," Lance spat out, trying to sound calm, but knowing he couldn't with tears quickly forming against his will, unconsciously curling in on himself, as though his words had some recoil he couldn't steady himself for.

"Me, get out? Why, so you can have another freakout again? You wanted me to be here." The two began to ramble, neither even pretending to really listen to each other anymore.

"I can't do it. I'm nothing. You're right. You were always right. Who cares what I think."

"You decide you can bitch and insult people just because you're a little sad?"

"I should never have tried to become a pilot."

"What's wrong with you?"

"I did everything wrong. I shouldn't have even been born. Would have saved everybody a lot of trouble."

"What gives you the right to want the best pilot and literally the nicest person to me to go to hell. I don't know what the fuck they taught y'all but this is bullshit. Fuck you and fuck your noise."

"I want to go home. I want to find Shiro. I want to be back at home and pretend you never even existed."

"Go eat a big bag of dicks, Lance. Maybe then you'll enjoy something in life."

"I wanna go home. I wanna be at home. I wanna see my parents again."

"You wanna see your parents? Well, fuck you. At least you had parents. I just wanted to see Shiro again and guess how that fucking turned out."

"Why are you still here, Keith? Get out!" Lance shouted. Hm. It sure was a good thing everyone else in the castle knew to stay away from the angsty shouting.

"I'm still here because I'm damn disappointed, shithead."

"That's the first thing you learn. You should have known this for years."

"You're not even a disappointment, I just - you just- I just don't get it. Why?"

"I told you. I'm not going to choose to do wrong just because Shiro did."

Keith groaned, realizing they were getting nowhere. He crossed his arms and lied down on the bed, scowling at Lance, who was crying in a daze on the other end of the bed. "And you had a panic attack because...?"

"I don't want to choose to do wrong since I already do so much wrong without trying to. In fact, I shouldn't even be here."

They sat in silence, as though that made a difference.

Until Keith shot up and said, "Oohhhhhhhhhhh, I get it."


End file.
